Wednesday, January 2, 2013

In a race to win her over, nice guys always finish last!

So over the past few weeks I have managed to finish up the entire series of Weeds, one of my favorite TV series. If you are lost or have never heard of it, Weeds is a comedy about a suburban mom (Nancy Botwin) whose husband passes away and leaves her with almost no income, well at least not enough to accommodate the lavish lifestyle her and her two children are accustomed too. So in an effort to uphold this lifestyle she starts selling pot. The result of her actions creates some of the most bizarre, sometimes corny and very high situations I’ve ever seen on television.

Nancy Botwin is not alone in this journey into the life of a pot dealing soccer mom. In fact one of my favorite characters in particular is what motivated me to write this blog post. Andy is his name; a big reason to me the show was so entertaining. Andy is the deceased husband’s brother who shows up at Nancy Botwins door step and offers a helping hand to the overwhelmed drug dealing soccer mom.  Over the course of the series Andy proved to be the most supportive character to the Weeds star Nancy Botwin. When she needed him to be there for the kids he was always there, she needed him at the grow house he was always there, when she needed him to disregard what he wanted in life he always would. To make a long story short Andy as quoted by his fiancĂ© in which he left to satisfy Nancy’s wants and needs “lived to jump through her hoops”.  Eventually after being a follower of the series you start to realize that Andy does these things because he really likes Nancy and he eventually brings this to her attention (as if she didn’t know anyway). 

Unfortunately Nancy basically strings him along the entire series and takes this knowledge for granted. The entire series you’ll witness Nancy sleeping with countless men, one female jail lover, marrying two, having a baby by one, and sacrificing her life for others. And Andy, well he’s left in the dust getting nothing but another demand from Nancy which he, as always, follows. Don’t get me wrong Andy was getting his share of the pie from other women but he was just doing that as past time hoping eventually that Nancy will recognize his efforts and fall for him.

You get to the point you start to feel bad for the poor guy as he has put so much on the line for Miss Botwin only to be taken for granted. Well at the end of the series after getting laid by every type of guy on the rainbow (as stated by her sister), taking a gun shot, having a kid, and going to prison Nancy finally offers herself to Andy. Yeah you heard me; basically Andy got what was left after everyone else got their pickings. Andy does decline the long awaited advance; but that's after he sacrificed over 8 years of his life trying to convince her!

Andy's character is what we would call in real life the nice guy. The nice guy has this perception that if he caters to all emotional needs and wants that a woman has (like in most movies) she will fall madly in love with him. He thinks she’s going to realize how rare a man like him is and place him before other man who does half of what he does. The truth is however men like that are very common and the opposite happens. When a man is too available to a woman both physically and emotionally, disregarding his wants, feelings, and ambitions; he primarily becomes three things, basic, replaceable, and seen as nothing more then a friend. Neither of which a woman can picture themselves taking serious on an intimate or sexual level. Even if there was a chance for him, he's going to be the last resort; hence the saying nice guys finish last.

When an alpha woman chooses to be with a man, or even date him, she wants to know to the best of her ability that she's dealing with a good man, not a nice guy. A good man refuses to be 100% submissive, he knows when to draw the line, and he has boundaries. A nice guy does not; he is willing to give up almost everything to insure a woman is happy while at the same time disregarding his own happiness. This is not what a woman wants. She sees value in a man who values himself and what he stands for first. Here's a simple example for you guys 

Her: Hey you want to go check out that new movie playing tonight it starts at 9:00pm

Him: Well, me and Matt already made plans to go to the pool hall for this tournament tonight...sorry babe.

Her: Oh yeah, I remember you mentioned that to me...darn, I really wanted to go to that movie with you too :(.

Him: Yeah I know, you've been talking about that movie all week. Stacy didn’t want to go?

Her: Well she is going but she's bringing her date with her I don't want to be the third wheel you know. I guess I'll just cancel and we can go some other time (sigh).

Him: Well let me call Matt and see if we can cancel, I guess we can just catch another pool tournament some other time.

Her: What? Oh no don't do that. It's ok, go ahead. I'll be fine...

Him: No, I'm sure he will be cool with it. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on this movie. I know that it's a big deal for you...

Her: Are you sure?

Him: Yes, I'll call him now

Her: Ok...

The above script is a nice guy in action. As you can see he had plans, she knew he had plans, and he totally disregarded them just to be more available to her. If you noticed her response towards the end she was totally turned off by his decision to cancel his plans just to cater to hers. Now below is going to be this same scenario but this time a good man (alpha male) is going to take the place of the nice guy.

Her: Hey you want to go check out that new movie playing tonight it starts at 9:00pm

Him: Sure we can go check it out, just not tonight babe. I already have plans to attend a pool tournament with Matt tonight.

Her: Oh yeah, I remember you mentioned that to me...darn, I really wanted to go to that movie with you too :(. 

Him: Yeah I know, you've been talking about that movie all week. Ask Stacy if she will go. I mean, she probably wont touch and kiss you like I would but she seems up for it. It's worth a shot lol.

Her: Wha, whatever! I would never lol. Anyways, she is going; she's bringing a date and I don't want to be the third wheel you know...

Him: Yeah nobody wants to be the third wheel. Sometimes it can be a weird experience. Well if you don't go I'm available Thursday and Wednesday night and we can go then. If you do go let me know how the threesome goes lol.

Her: Oh you got jokes tonight huh lol. Well if I don’t go tonight, which I probably wont Thursday will work. I hope you win your tournament! Call me when your done and let me know what happened. If I'm in the show I'll call you back when I get out. Don’t forget babe.

Him: Ok, later.

That is how a good man handles a situation of that nature. I'll let you compare the two and see the difference. This guy clearly handled that in a clear, assertive, humorous and understanding way. He did not come off as needy, he did not disregard his plans, and he also acknowledged the woman by giving her another alternative (if she so chooses to accept) without overwhelmingly investing.

When men are consistent with having balance in handling situations like the one listed above (and at times more dynamic scenarios) properly; these men stay ahead of the pack while the other guys get left behind when it comes to women.

This is just the tip of the iceberg; I could go on forever about the nice guy act men put on to try and win women over only to be placed last but I'm thinking this post will definitely get you to thinking about your actions.

So to wrap this up I'm going to just say don't believe the majority of the media hype. The guy who is always there at every turn, racing to be the guy who’s willing to do anything to be the first to win over the woman he desires is nothing more then the nice guy. And he will fall short towards the finish line every time. He always finishes last! Don’t become Andy guys! Have some boundaries and standards for yourself, relay to her you have value in your life and go from there. Women respect men who can and will stand on these things!