Wednesday, January 2, 2013

In a race to win her over, nice guys always finish last!

So over the past few weeks I have managed to finish up the entire series of Weeds, one of my favorite TV series. If you are lost or have never heard of it, Weeds is a comedy about a suburban mom (Nancy Botwin) whose husband passes away and leaves her with almost no income, well at least not enough to accommodate the lavish lifestyle her and her two children are accustomed too. So in an effort to uphold this lifestyle she starts selling pot. The result of her actions creates some of the most bizarre, sometimes corny and very high situations I’ve ever seen on television.

Nancy Botwin is not alone in this journey into the life of a pot dealing soccer mom. In fact one of my favorite characters in particular is what motivated me to write this blog post. Andy is his name; a big reason to me the show was so entertaining. Andy is the deceased husband’s brother who shows up at Nancy Botwins door step and offers a helping hand to the overwhelmed drug dealing soccer mom.  Over the course of the series Andy proved to be the most supportive character to the Weeds star Nancy Botwin. When she needed him to be there for the kids he was always there, she needed him at the grow house he was always there, when she needed him to disregard what he wanted in life he always would. To make a long story short Andy as quoted by his fiancĂ© in which he left to satisfy Nancy’s wants and needs “lived to jump through her hoops”.  Eventually after being a follower of the series you start to realize that Andy does these things because he really likes Nancy and he eventually brings this to her attention (as if she didn’t know anyway). 

Unfortunately Nancy basically strings him along the entire series and takes this knowledge for granted. The entire series you’ll witness Nancy sleeping with countless men, one female jail lover, marrying two, having a baby by one, and sacrificing her life for others. And Andy, well he’s left in the dust getting nothing but another demand from Nancy which he, as always, follows. Don’t get me wrong Andy was getting his share of the pie from other women but he was just doing that as past time hoping eventually that Nancy will recognize his efforts and fall for him.

You get to the point you start to feel bad for the poor guy as he has put so much on the line for Miss Botwin only to be taken for granted. Well at the end of the series after getting laid by every type of guy on the rainbow (as stated by her sister), taking a gun shot, having a kid, and going to prison Nancy finally offers herself to Andy. Yeah you heard me; basically Andy got what was left after everyone else got their pickings. Andy does decline the long awaited advance; but that's after he sacrificed over 8 years of his life trying to convince her!

Andy's character is what we would call in real life the nice guy. The nice guy has this perception that if he caters to all emotional needs and wants that a woman has (like in most movies) she will fall madly in love with him. He thinks she’s going to realize how rare a man like him is and place him before other man who does half of what he does. The truth is however men like that are very common and the opposite happens. When a man is too available to a woman both physically and emotionally, disregarding his wants, feelings, and ambitions; he primarily becomes three things, basic, replaceable, and seen as nothing more then a friend. Neither of which a woman can picture themselves taking serious on an intimate or sexual level. Even if there was a chance for him, he's going to be the last resort; hence the saying nice guys finish last.

When an alpha woman chooses to be with a man, or even date him, she wants to know to the best of her ability that she's dealing with a good man, not a nice guy. A good man refuses to be 100% submissive, he knows when to draw the line, and he has boundaries. A nice guy does not; he is willing to give up almost everything to insure a woman is happy while at the same time disregarding his own happiness. This is not what a woman wants. She sees value in a man who values himself and what he stands for first. Here's a simple example for you guys 

Her: Hey you want to go check out that new movie playing tonight it starts at 9:00pm

Him: Well, me and Matt already made plans to go to the pool hall for this tournament tonight...sorry babe.

Her: Oh yeah, I remember you mentioned that to me...darn, I really wanted to go to that movie with you too :(.

Him: Yeah I know, you've been talking about that movie all week. Stacy didn’t want to go?

Her: Well she is going but she's bringing her date with her I don't want to be the third wheel you know. I guess I'll just cancel and we can go some other time (sigh).

Him: Well let me call Matt and see if we can cancel, I guess we can just catch another pool tournament some other time.

Her: What? Oh no don't do that. It's ok, go ahead. I'll be fine...

Him: No, I'm sure he will be cool with it. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on this movie. I know that it's a big deal for you...

Her: Are you sure?

Him: Yes, I'll call him now

Her: Ok...

The above script is a nice guy in action. As you can see he had plans, she knew he had plans, and he totally disregarded them just to be more available to her. If you noticed her response towards the end she was totally turned off by his decision to cancel his plans just to cater to hers. Now below is going to be this same scenario but this time a good man (alpha male) is going to take the place of the nice guy.

Her: Hey you want to go check out that new movie playing tonight it starts at 9:00pm

Him: Sure we can go check it out, just not tonight babe. I already have plans to attend a pool tournament with Matt tonight.

Her: Oh yeah, I remember you mentioned that to me...darn, I really wanted to go to that movie with you too :(. 

Him: Yeah I know, you've been talking about that movie all week. Ask Stacy if she will go. I mean, she probably wont touch and kiss you like I would but she seems up for it. It's worth a shot lol.

Her: Wha, whatever! I would never lol. Anyways, she is going; she's bringing a date and I don't want to be the third wheel you know...

Him: Yeah nobody wants to be the third wheel. Sometimes it can be a weird experience. Well if you don't go I'm available Thursday and Wednesday night and we can go then. If you do go let me know how the threesome goes lol.

Her: Oh you got jokes tonight huh lol. Well if I don’t go tonight, which I probably wont Thursday will work. I hope you win your tournament! Call me when your done and let me know what happened. If I'm in the show I'll call you back when I get out. Don’t forget babe.

Him: Ok, later.

That is how a good man handles a situation of that nature. I'll let you compare the two and see the difference. This guy clearly handled that in a clear, assertive, humorous and understanding way. He did not come off as needy, he did not disregard his plans, and he also acknowledged the woman by giving her another alternative (if she so chooses to accept) without overwhelmingly investing.

When men are consistent with having balance in handling situations like the one listed above (and at times more dynamic scenarios) properly; these men stay ahead of the pack while the other guys get left behind when it comes to women.

This is just the tip of the iceberg; I could go on forever about the nice guy act men put on to try and win women over only to be placed last but I'm thinking this post will definitely get you to thinking about your actions.

So to wrap this up I'm going to just say don't believe the majority of the media hype. The guy who is always there at every turn, racing to be the guy who’s willing to do anything to be the first to win over the woman he desires is nothing more then the nice guy. And he will fall short towards the finish line every time. He always finishes last! Don’t become Andy guys! Have some boundaries and standards for yourself, relay to her you have value in your life and go from there. Women respect men who can and will stand on these things!


Monday, December 10, 2012

Everybody loves a clown…but nobody wants to take a clown home.

Yesterday a new client of mines called in and was telling me how he’s having a big problem with women. He was very frustrated; he said he has no problems approaching women; his problem happened to be getting them to give him the number. He told me he did not understand because from what he can tell, they seemed to be impressed with all the tricks, jokes and personality tests that he ran by them, and they appeared to be very interested in what he had to offer from a personality stand point. “They laugh and twirl their hair and all of the indicators that they are interested, but when I go for the number they flake” he said. I asked him why he felt he had to do all these personality test and comedic jokes to be appealing. He told me that he’d read a couple of books that stated that by doing these things, and sometimes physically wearing very interesting pieces of accessories relays a man of value and interest.  Curious, I asked him the title of the book and had a look at the information for myself. Sure enough in print this was exactly what this information was giving to men who were willing to do almost anything to improve their dating life. I also noticed this craze on YouTube from a lot of so called PUA’s but thought nothing of it.  Now there could be other issues as to the reason he’s not securing numbers but this method he’s using is definitely one of biggest reasons why.
Now look guys, I’m not going to totally bash this type of information, and I’m not going to get very detailed here because the scope of this issue is beyond this post. But I will say this; when a woman feels that a man is going above and beyond himself, and who he is to impress her, impressed is the last thing she will be. When they sense you are doing this you become nothing more than a form of entertainment to them. So yeah, you may get them to stick around for a bit to hear what your personality tests reveals, they may be amazed by your magic tricks, they might even like the jokes you made up to get them to laugh. But at the end of the day you are the clown, and nobody wants to take a clown home.  

I’ve stated this before, and I’ll say it again BE YOU, BE THE BEST OF YOU! Don’t try and be a magician if you are not one; don’t try to be a tarot card reader if you are not. Wear that shirt because it looks good on you, not because it looks good to her. If you make a joke, do it because you think it’s funny and don’t sweat it if she doesn’t, tell her it’s too bad she doesn’t have a sense of humor and continue the conversation. Don’t try to be the PUA’s you’ve heard and read about. Now I know some guys are going to say, “well the guys on YouTube do crazy, even zany things to get girls phone numbers all the time and succeed. This is very true, but what they don’t reveal to you is how most, if not all of those women they approach flake or give wrong numbers. They don’t show you the huge number of women who turn them down. What would be the point of that? That’s not helping the marketing of the product. Those methods do not yield results past general conversation and the guy clowning around.
A lot of time we run into having problems with getting women interested and willing because we have issues within ourselves, which stops us from bringing out the best of us, and being ok with who we are. Don’t try and patch this issue up with trying to be something you’re not guys, come on. Now quit clowning around out there in field and show these women who you really are, THE BEST OF WHO YOU ARE.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Just Some Basics On Approach

So yeah guys, the last blog I just had to do it…I had to let you guys know how much you limit yourselves by just standing around waiting for some miracle to fall in your lap. But this time around I’m going to give you guys some insight on exactly how to go about approaching the women you want and desire.  

Now before I move forward with this blog, or any other blog I want you guys to know that what I preach is exactly what I practice. I have used these methods and teachings myself and shared them with my students as well. This is the basics for approaching women who are usually by themselves which is what I would suggest beginners to do. With that said let’s go in!!

Tip #1: It Starts With You!

Quit sitting around judging yourself so much. As long as you know that you are bringing the best of you to the table that’s all that counts man plain and simple. Are you being the best that you can be? If so you can’t be anymore then you are right? In life we want the best of the best so if you are at your best then that’s exactly what you are, THE BEST. 

Tip #2: Understand That This Is What She Wants

This is something I’m sure you do know, women get approached by men in the club and bar scene ALLLL the time. Guys are under the influence, all of their social conditioning is out the door, so it’s game on for them. On the other hand it’s very basic to women, and places men in a very basic category, usually. Now what you probably did not know is these same men become vegetables in the day time, and in turn those same women almost NEVER get approached at all! Women don’t expect it, but they damn sure want a man to approach them outside of the bar scene because it’s spontaneous, unpredictable, different, and shows a very bold and confident move on your part. The initial approach alone gets you respect from her and the guys sitting around wishing they had the balls to do it.

Tip#3: Go For It!!

You already know what this is because we’ve all violated this one before. Sitting across the room, plotting the approach, checking to see if she’s alone putting all these factors in your head like she looks busy, she looks stuck up or she probably has a boy friend. This is you talking yourself out of fear of rejection. You’re going to have the worse approaches or none at all when you just don’t go for it and approach her. Use some common sense of course, don’t approach her when she’s paying the cashier or getting money out of the ATM. 

Tip #4: Don’t Make It a Numbers Game

I remember when I first started approaching women. I would go home, and at the end of the day count the numbers I’d acquired. After I counted them I would say things like “ok today I got 5 so tomorrow I’m going for ten”. I usually met my goal but I had a shit load flakes. I realized I got too caught up in trying to get numbers instead trying to find value and in turn relay value. Don’t make this a numbers game. When you see a woman just have the intention of wanting to see what she’s about and in turn, if she’s good, you’ll give her the opportunity to see what an amazing guy you are.  

Tip #5: Always Let Her Know Who You Are and What Your Intentions Are

You know this is a big one because there are books that tell you to use openers and different things like that but the truth is if you are not genuine about your approaches you will always have an uphill battle, always. I found that being direct is simply being honest with you. If you see a woman who has a very nice ass go over and let her know that but don’t say it like the guys in the bar, put a twist on it. You can say something like listen I noticed you across the street and I must say you have the most attractive figure I’ve seen so far today,  I had to meet you to see if there was more then meets the eye.  If you see that she’s obviously attractive but her wardrobe was what stood out first then tell her that, but in a clever confident way. Don’t see a women and say “gee she’s looking beautiful today I think I’ll go open her up with the should I name my dog opener”, NO! If you do these things then it’s going to be difficult to have a natural conversation because you’re not being honest with yourself. This rule right here is what gives a lot of the BAD BOYS the edge. Because they usually let women know straight up what they think. Always let a woman know who you are and what your intentions are. If she stays, she’s yours, if she don’t then she wasn’t yours to begin with and you can’t miss something you never had. And if you’re consistent in this you’ll realize that for every woman that gets out on you, there will be one bumping into her on the way in for sure!

Tip #6: Bring It Down a Bit

If she’s looking hostile address it, if she’s acting nervous address it, bring these things to the fore front. A lot of times when we are put in a different type of situations that’s not common to us we tend to act in ways in which we normally would not. If necessary, I’ll say something like “look I know this must be strange, to have a confident guy come up and actually want to see what type of woman you are aside from your looks but trust me this is a good thing, my name is Dale by the way.  

Tip #7: Make Her Invest and Don’t Be Impressed

You know they say nobody wants the milk when the cow is free and usually that goes from that to not wanting the cow at all. Don’t turn around and be the guys asking all the questions or answering them, make her to work for your approval. If you master this art, having things to talk about becomes as easy as tying your shoes. Ask open ended questions and make statements. And don’t be impressed, relate to her but don’t act impressed 85% of the time. They have enough men praising them for everything they do down to them clipping their toe nails.

Tip #8: Don’t Beat the Dead Horse

Ok you’ve stopped her in her tracks; she’s impressed by your bold approach. Now you got her talking and laughing, and she’s even asking you questions; it’s getting very interesting and what do you do…continue to hang there until she ends the conversation or there’s just that acquired silence. DONT LET THIS HAPPEN!! Always be the one to end the conversation and always end it on a high note. If you know what it’s like to watch a good show until the end only to be given the “to be continued” black screen then you can understand what the value of this tip is. 

Tip #9: Challenge Her!

 These kinds of ties into tip #7, don’t be like all the other guys, she’s over that. Challenge her; if she says she’s a model ask her what else she does. If she says she’s a photographer ask her what’s her website, or don’t ask her any these at all I’m just letting you know you have to challenge her some type of way. Women like a man who’s a challenge, and who challenges. If you are not about any of the two your considered basic to her. She has enough guys on POF doing the ass kissing job.

Well there you have it guys, just some basic tips to approaching women. I hope that these tips will come in handy. Of course you will never know until you get out there and try them!! Get out there and make it happen guys. Subscribe and stay tuned to more useful tips from the SW!TCH up blog.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Quit Playing The Lotto With Your Dating Life, MAN UP!!

Many will play,  less then few will win. Is that how you want your dating life to be?

Hello my fellow audience thanks for checking my blog out. Feel free to leave your feedback below as I encourage different perspectives and opinions on all my subjects I post for the SW!TCH up dating blog. So subscribe and, state your opinion.

Yesterday I was looking at some dating statistics in different cities on the famous and came across a thread that stated “FOR WOMEN WHO REFUSE TO APPROACH MEN” so I clicked on into the conversation. Inside there was a not so attractive woman who was boosting about how she approached a guy in the bar and brought him drinks and apparently had a very fruitful night with the guy. Immediately after she was done with bragging about her rather bold approach compared to most women, men began to flood into the post. A lot of them began to speak very highly of her saying how awesome she was and how they wish women where like that where they reside. Their reasons for this want for a role change (a large portion of them) happen to be because they fear rejection, they cant figure out how to break the ice, and the lack of material to sustain a constructive and interesting conversation to name a few. So because of this these men where very firm on saying that they would rather the woman approach them because of their short comings within themselves, or what the dating world calls limiting beliefs. I quickly chimed in on the conversation and expressed to these men that if they are expecting a woman to pick up the slack where they fall short they are doing nothing more then playing the lotto with their dating life plain and simple.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you guys who feel your going to come across and keep, or consistently have women of substance, beauty, and drive from sitting on death row (sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen) because you can’t man up and face your fears and address these limiting beliefs your simply playing the power ball with your dating life. It’s just not how it works. And I say the lotto because some people are going to come along and say “that’s not totally true I met my girlfriend and she approached me”. Well that’s great but just like the lotto the ratio of that happening compared to it not present a very large ratio.  And when I say this I’m speaking of it being highly unlikely that a woman of value is going to approach you and set the stage for things.

A lot of things have changed within the world we live in especially with women. Women now have equal employment, they quite often make more money, and with online dating they have more options to choose from then Sonics drink combination deal. With that said though, one thing that has not changed is they want for a CONFIDENT man. Women, especially the ones that I mentioned just above here look to have a confident man and the first sign of a confident man is his ability to approach a woman, make his presence known and let her know what his intentions are. This by facing these limiting beliefs that plague so many men instead of playing it safe and “WAIT “ for an opportunity to appear, that’s a beta mindset, beta males sit around hoping one dale things will go their way instead of having it their way.

Here’s the deal, quality women view things in this aspect. If you, the man can’t confidently approach her, or deal with a little rejection how do you expect to handle the days when it’s one of those days and she wants to be alone? How are you going make her feel secure? How in the hell are you going to tell her what the plan is, or have those stimulating mind sex conversations before the physical action? These are things women are seeking to find in a man first and foremost. And if you think that those things aren’t going to matter once she gets to know you, you are wrong, like most people who missed the Powerball numbers.

I can’t stress this enough to men out there, if you want to have a more fulfilling dating life you are going to have to go out there and pursue it. That’s the way it works guys, you can’t sit around playing the numbers game in hopes an attractive woman is going to fall in your lap and buy you drinks. Alpha males don’t wait for it to happen they make it happen.  So get out there and MAN UP!!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

She wants a bad boy!! But it's not what you think...

Hey guys thanks for taking the time out to check out the blog site, remeber, this blog is not about me but us so feel free to express your thoughts below. This is the first entry to the blog and I thought I'd address a very misuderstood, disgusting set of words guys hear from some of the most attractive women from time to time and those word are "I LIKE BAD BOYS".

A new client of mines (I'll call him Jim) came in today expressing to me that he indeed wanted to be a more productive guy in the dating scene but stated to me in these exact words "I want to be better with women but most of them are so stupid! They seem to always claim they want a bad boy and I am not a bad boy and refuse to be a dead beat thug who goes to jail and hangs with my posse and leave my babies without fathers!!". This is a very common misunderstanding that guys with beta male mentality have in the dating world. They perceive the bad boy that women speak of to typically be what Jim spoke of above and for a small percantage of them that may be so and I'm talking in the single digits maybe 3%.  The truth is the other 97% of women who say they like bad boys or maybe say they like a guy with a bad boy side have a totally different perception about what a bad boy is vs. what my client Jim has. 

First off let me tell you guys a very valuble secret about women (if you dont know it already). WHAT WOMEN SAY IS NOT TOTALLY WHAT THEY MEAN AND THEY USUALLY NEVER WILL WHEN THEY SPEAK ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT FROM MEN. If you have a problem with that my friend your going to be failing from the start. 

Now when a women says that she wants a bad boy she doesn't technically mean she wants a dead beat guy, get that out of your head its the only way you will fully understand the dynamics of what shes saying in order to put you sir, ahead of the pack. Usually when a woman says she wants a bad boy she typically is relaying to a guy she wants some if not all of these things:  

1) She wants a guy who does'nt give a fuck about how he's perceived by other people and is ok with being him. In other words she wants a guy who's CONFIDENT.

2) She wants a guy who has adventure to him and can show her excitment and is not just some boring square who wants to just hang out at home and watch movies all the time. 

3) She wants a guy who's not afraid to show his sexual intrest in her with no regret.

4) She wants a guy who is not submissive and is not about to bow down and kiss her ass just to keep her from being upset all the time.

5) She wants a guy who will call her out on her bullshit with no guilt.

6) She wants a guy who can care at one moment and not give a shit the next some might call this effectively pushing and pulling.

Quite often in the race to get that very attractive woman alot of good men fall short (by large) due to being the total opposite of almost all those charecteristics. The reason we see women with men who actually are those dead beat guys is because they actually possess these charecteristics, and they express them effortlessly and because it's most commonly found in them, women define that as bad boy or the bad boy side.  

Now I know alot of guys, like Jim possess these attributes but are affraid to express them because she might think this or she might think that, or she might leave. Well let me tell you something those thoughts that your having is what is called BETA MALE MENTALITY and women pick up on that shit believe it or not. And you know something else continuing to have that way of thinking is what is going to keep you in the what I call the MR.GOODJOY role while shes hanging out and more then likely fucking dead beat. Thats right shes going to pass up the smart, intelligent, ambitous, and everything else guy you are in exchange for the douche. Either that or shes not going to deal with men at all, you lose both ways.

So from now on when a girl says "I want a bad boy or I want a man with a bad boy side" don't cringe just understand that she just wants a real man, an ALPHA MALE, and not MR.GOODJOY.